renungan natalku sendiri

dear santa, is it too late for me to send a christmas,, anyway i've seen your christmas presents ;ast year,, thank you very much,, especially for that 2 items^^,,,, thanks thank,, even one of it it just a very sweet dream that just has been ended..

taun ini cuma .. aku pengen jadi cewe paling beruntung sedunia dan jadi orang yang sangat bahagia.. puny keluarga yang ngga suka ngeluh lagi dan penuh suka cita.. diamana setiap harinya hanya ada syukur. aku pengen setiap hari-hari kami menyenangkan, penuh tawa suka cita.. lalu aku pengen orang-orang yang aku sayang juga bahagia, juga tetap bisa keep contact sama mereka, kompak bersama-sama sebagai teman :). aku ga ingin kehilangan teman lagi.. walaupun teman tersebut punya "sejarah" denganku..

dear santa, aku ngga mau lagi ada peperangan.. aku ga mau lagi ada yang beda-bedain antar agama, suku, ras, dan gender.. aku ingin kita semua bersatu sebagai universal,, aku ingin orang -orang yang seperti itu sadar kalo kita semua di hadapan Tuhan itu sama..aku ingin tidak ada lagi kelas dan perpecahan di sekitarku..aku ingin kami semua berubah dan menerima kai apa adanya..

ketiga santa, aku ingin segala roject dan usaha lancar dan kebahagiann dalamkesunguhan menjalaninya..  fisik yang kuat.. dn semanat yang tidak menyerahh. aku ingin supaya tidak ada lagi kejenuhan dan keluhan.. aku ingin segala pekerjaan kami semua menyenangkan :)

terimakasih santa,, setidaknya semoga tidak ada kata terlambat untuk ini.. my christmas wishes :)

Amin

under the same roof

the day of crowd

in silence orner

you were sitting alone in bar

cigar on your finger

smoke blowingup n become clear

chitchiat to have fun

those serious conversation

like kid n dad bound

seem to be pleasant

quiet smile after gone

the never vanished moment

voice that told me nicely

"you're too kind,

to be monster who eat pines"

here i sit under the same roof

just like a year ago

without same smell

from cigar u breathe

----------------------------

dedicated to my "second dad", even he makes me dissappointed, i miss him,, 

the day that never vanish

the day that never vanish

the first time i met you 

strange place without any prepare

with each needs come to each minds

strange kindness given

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

we start to be friend

you told me to sleep everynite

even mom never care about my time

another strange care given

i denied, but you asked why

i ran n annoyed but you still there

dear my friend

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanished

when you became vanished

a pretty girl beside you

anyway, thanks for helping me in my job

i win the competition after your critique

i texted you n got shot reply

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanished

you add me once more in fb

i was confused

but, okay, maybe you forgot that you had removed me

hi there friend!

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

my friend use my id

and tell you 'i miss you' just for kidding

i was panic, n said 'it was my friend'

you just laugh there

then we start to have fun chit n chat

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you asked me to go out

just two of us

your are stranger for me

unfortunately mom n dad allowed me

uh oh what should i do with this stranger?

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you sat in front of me,

talking about yourself

with nice smile n jokes

we laugh together

you are in the field that i wanna to be

you are so creative and funny

i told my stories to, not too much

coz you still a stranger for me

just a relation for networking

but you saw me deeply when i spoke

you saw me deeply when i read books

i think you are a nice friend

but why i felt hard to breathe?

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you appear in my campuss suddently

in the night with black mickeymouse shirt

so nice n cute that moment

i was confused why you do this

you told about yourself again that moment

nice to hear anything about you

you offered a ride to home

i denied coz my dad waiting for me

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

we were having chit n chat all night long

having sharingn jokes

you asked for my day n reminded me to sleep

you waited for me going sleep first when i did my duties

a nice offer you made

a nice friend take care me

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you are so busy that moment

to chase you dream n duty

you are not in a good mood n so tired

i prayed for your success

for my bestfriend

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

the first time you said that 'i miss you'

n i just said 'i think i miss you'

you called me n want to see me before i go

going far far away from home

you called my with you dad's number

coz you didn't have anymore pulse

you know what? that very nice to hear your voice

you told me that you really want to see me before i go

and asked me if there is any time left to see me

why you do this so far?

you are just a virtual friend

i feel weird, heart can't stop beating

yes i really wanna see you at the moment

but i still stay cool

we didn't met each other that moment

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

i dreamt about you

you came there in some place near me that moment

n smile to me

i started to think why i always think about you

what did you doing that moment?

was you alright? 

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

i had chit chat with you that moent

you said that you are waiting for me

and the second you said i miss you

you know what, i really wanna hug you that moment

what kind of feeling like that?

but i still stay cool n told you jokes

n i didn't forget the photos you want

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

i arrive at home n feel tired

called you the next day

you said why i didn't call me before

coz you want to fetch me from airport

then you ask me to go

just two of us..

you said that you miss me

"i miss you too", this word i kept inside my heart

n stay cool

that day you met dad for first time

you were scold by dad

but you didn't step back

the days after itu you still came to my house

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you come to my birthday party

we were having this party just two of us

you know what? it's just like the best moment in my life

i wonder if we can go along togerther like that moment

but i stayed cool

had chit chat, jokes, 

ou laugh, what a pretty smile

just like sunshine

you took some pictures of me

while i was not in the best outfit :(

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you came to my house

with tired face

i really want to give you drink

but you were fasting that moment

having chit n chat, watching anime toether

you said that i'm so serious watching it

n we talked about something i still thinkin' of it till now

asking myself, is that true?

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you grab my hands suddently

in the darkness n tell me to calm down

you seem so surprise what you were doing

loose my hands suddently

n look to another place

i kept staying cool

but i felt y heartbeat

it's warm you know

thank you very much

the day that never vanish

you gave me present

you said that i'm a pretty girl who fit with that present

that so nice,, but i felt guilty to say that was cute

coz it's just like spending your money for me

okay i'll keep silent from now..

i really like that present anyway,, i often wear it to campuss

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

i bought a new cam

everyday you asked me to see my face

sometimes you called me 

twice you asked me to sing

i didn't know what's inside your mind

this childlike voice you said that it's sounds good

you said my dowdily face is beautiful

i didn't understand, ohh crap...

i stay cool every you said it

but i felt happy anyway

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

my friend searching for a designer

and i called you,, then they accept you

i really glad,,,

you know what? i can't sleep that day

i can give something to you that really worthed

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you give me you drawings

the polar bear,, that simbolize me

I really glad of it

Thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you start to be soo busy

you beef about your body and tired

rarely to contact me.. i feel alone

yeah somehow, i feel alone

but i feel somekindda hurt or something

when you write that you're so sad, you are so tired, you really need someone

i wanna be there to cheer you up, i wanna be there to help you 

but you denied, it's okay..

that nite.. some nites, i prayed to God

God what is this? is this love? 

God, i can't be there for him..

please deliver my care n love from another person who can reach him

Amin.

thank you very much

 

the that that never vanish

I dreamt about you

You were working with baut inside my room

You sit on my chair, ding job

N I sleep beside you on my bed

I grab your hand coz I was afraid to lost you

You just smiled to me n put my hand on your jeans

Then you continued to work

I closed my eyes 

But when I wake up, I can’t find you

Thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

its just like you are gone

you never buzz, or texted me

i have to adapt with this situation

i felt jealous with your friends

coz they can meet you

it's my humanity,, actually maybe God has givne you something from them

just like imy preayer..

thanks God

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

you change your status

you already in relationship with that lucky girl

maybe this is od's answer 

to give you someone who an give freely

i congratz you but you  didn’t say thanks

that’s not kindda your personality not saying thanks

one day you buzz me again

n said I’m pretty  in my new photos

you saw me n my friend photo too

I ddn’t understand… maybe you are just too kind with girls

Maybe  it’s just my fault to have feeling with you

You just give question marks n smileys when I told you about that

I was confuse, I don’t know,, maybe I should leave

Thank you very much

 

The day that never vanish

Finally I told this story to one of my friend

N she told me that you had ever tried to get close with me

I smiled when she told me that

Actually I was jealous with her coz she had been met you

Wel I mnever feel jealousy about having someone,

but I really want to meet you  too

Thank you very much

 

The day that never vanish

you couldn’t met me

you sai sorry and give me rose

another rose, but it’s red..not  white

my ex hv ever do that,,

gave me white rose to me then leave me

but thank you for the rose..

at least you feel sorry

at least to respect me’

it’s okay I understand your situation

maybe if God allows us to meet again,

we can meet each other

thank you very much

 

the day that never vanish

is the day with you

thank you for appeare in  my life…

you are a precious friend

-----------------

terlalu realistis bahasanya.. jarang2 gw gini,, outta my style

tapi pengen nulis isi otak gw aja

616 metres

workin' out my carer

challenge i must pass over

so tired, close my eyes n faith

you are running in same path

sky is so wide over you

real worl is wathing for long time

nomatter how hard world you get

angels always watching

would you mind?

i'm staying here all the time

looking at yellow smile icon

claim me as paparazi

it just like otherworld

where big wall within

616 metress, just cut it out!

let's preted it's all going so fine

let's be just peple meet in one room

sunflower alwyas see sunshine

even night come, it always stan up to the sky

what if you never knew i'm exist

what if what we're going thru

just a euphoria a day

what if it just imagination

if only i could reach your shadow

Do you mind?

i' wishing upon blue sky

as i logged on my windows

hopping you not to drop by

withou any goodbye

even wall within

616 metres, just cut it out !

turn on my gadget, world of connectin

616metres doesn't matter

just like a metre close..

would you mind?

i'm staying here all the time

looking at yellow smile icon

claim me as paparazi

it just like otherworld

where big wall within

616 metress, just cut it out!

Do you mind?

i' wishing upon blue sky

as i logged on my windows

hopping you not to drop by

withou any goodbye

even wall within

616 metres, just cut it out !

i can't be romantic

just story of lunatic

there's a message behind

hope you're the detective

----------------------

20% done

by: Yutaria Ginsu & Gyoza Dagi

------------

final nya + jadinya + penjelasan lanjut tunggu tangal mainnya!

fragile

here the round moon, time to go haunt

keep my blanket comfort like shadow

like umbrella that keep my body outta sun

it's burning hurt, i'm in fire

what does eternity mean?

hide in comfort shadow, stand in own feet

no way to run from this box

trapped in peace not rest in peace

it's start to change

glass of heineken into drop of blood

lick it to survive now n then

in this calm eternity, i miss the light

walking up this morning, believe in my step

the day that i miss, the light

step into bright, crash this shape into puzzle

fly fly away to the sky

let me near to the shine

--------------------------------

it's about a vampire who really sucks w/ his life as vampire. he miss his life as human.. actually he miss the shine of sunsine. but everytime he got outside at noon,, it feels hurt,,on day he got out,, he burn into dust n fly u to the sky as he wish,, to be near to the sun,,

ada hidden meaning seh,,, haha

conversation with my 13 years olf self -Pink

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best
No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home

Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me

You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time

The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you well
Little girl
Until we meet again
Oh
I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me

-----

i found this song among all songs in my ipod. n it's really touching.... 

Jesus.... can You hear my whisper ?

everytime. i ust.. duno.. it's complicated to say Jesus.. there's many things i cant handle w/ myself.. not only college..my job..my life..my feelings.. this year is a very complicated year Jesus.. next month is your birthday.. uh Jesus.. please don't leave us.. i can't explain w/ human words.. bu i believe You are understand

jump and fly

it's a new day after rain

the day when i step back just like century ago

the day when i walk facing the sun with wind blowing my hair

this feeling the strange to back then

it's a day after tomorow 

when the story end

let us create new story each

walking in path to heaven by own feet

it can't see the sun but shine keeps glare

dazzled the sky where i dream about

fly, dance, freedom

throw away hubhu things inside my head

it's a new day when i scream and jump

forget those fucking fool things and start a new day

wash this bloody hand clean out the pain

coz i need .... to fly away

hidup ini hanya 3 hari

(i read it somewhere,, it's inspirable!)

Yang pertama;
Hari kemarin. (PAST)
Anda tak bisa mengubah apa pun yang telah terjadi.
Anda tak bisa menarik perkataan yang telah terucapkan.
Anda tak mungkin lagi menghapus kesalahan;dan mengulangi kegembiraan yang
anda rasakan kemarin.
Biarkan hari kemarin lewat; lepaskan saja...

Yang kedua:
Hari esok. (FUTURE)
Hingga mentari esok hari terbit,
Anda tak tahu apa yang akan terjadi.
Anda tak bisa melakukan apa-apa esok har.
Anda tak mungkin sedih atau ceria di esok hari.
Esok hari belum tiba; biarkan saja...

Yang tersisa kini hanyalah :
Hari ini. (PRESENT)
Pintu masa lalu telah tertutup;
Pintu masa depan pun belum tiba.

Pusatkan saja diri anda untuk hari ini.

Anda dapat mengerjakan lebih banyak hal hari ini bila anda mampu memaafkan
hari kemarin dan melepaskan ketakutan akan esok hari.

Hiduplah hari ini. Karena, masa lalu dan masa depan hanyalah permainan
pikiran yang rumit.

Hiduplah apa adanya. Karena yang ada hanyalah hari ini; hari ini yang
abadi.

Perlakukan setiap orang dengan kebaikan hati dan rasa hormat, meski mereka
berlaku buruk pada anda.

Cintailalah seseorang sepenuh hati hari ini,karena mungkin besok cerita sudah berganti

ingatlah bahwa anda menunjkkan penghargaan pada orang lainbkan karena siapa mereka tetapi karena siapakah diri anda sendiri

Jadi, teman, jangan biarka masa lalu mengekangmu atau masa depan membuatmu bingung,lakukanlah yang terbaik HARI II  dan lakukan SEKARANG JUGA !!!

a piece of cake and candle

a piece of cake and candle

put in front of her

she smiled and played with the fire

ready to burn her finger

a miror in front of her

put nicely face her

to see streight herself like twins

she smiled softly to the shadow

this shadow she smiled and say "happy birthday"

at least only her for her this night

dark night with one candle

then she blew up the candle

it became dark..

she slosed her eyes pretend as if nowhere

with yellow crowd saying Happy b'day

givin warmth for this precious day

it's better for imagination at least

her brain never goes to dark...

a piece of cake and candle

for you,  shadow

-----------

paling sedih kalau ulang tahun ga ada siapa2.. ga ada yang ada di depan lo phisically,,sendiri,, yeah,, my 18th b'day seems to be like that,, gw ngerayain itu sendiri di resto ramen deket tempat les gw. ga ada sms satu pun..ga ada telpon satupun.. akhirnya gw taro sumpit dan bikin bentuk orang depan gw sendiri dan cermi,, lalu bilang ke diri gw sendiri "happy b'day gyoza..current wish for you is to be strong walking by your own feet..".. 

umur 19 taun.. at least ortu dan broderwick yang inget,, gw nangis dan nolak buat ngerayain ultah gw..dan umur 20 taun gw terharu.. banyak bgt yang ucapin gw selamat ulang tahun.. :),,bahkan gw bisa ultah di 'sana' dan sama2 org y berharga buat gw..

i wonder somehow,, ketika gw bikin party ada yg mo dateng.. gw sedih setiap kali gw ngajak temen2 gw ngumpul,, ke rumah gw,, ato entah makan dimana,, entah ketemu dimana, semua beakhir akhirnya gw yg makan sendiri.. beberapa saat ini hal seperti ini terus menerus terjadi..gw ngerti si alesan mereka..gpp..but,, it just like my 18th b'day replayed,,

pretend - secondhand serenade

hari ini gw ke kampus sendirian..sambil denger iPod,, gitu gw shuffle pertama x muncul ni lagu,, OMG gw ga tw ko bisa ada ni lagu (ipod classic,, gara2 isinya banyak gw maen masukin aja semuanya,,) okay,,,  selidik demi selidik ini "pretend"--secondhand serenade.. n ini dia lyricsnya.. 

It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth
How did I get here? What did I do?

Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue

So please,
Let me be free from you.
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

I'm blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did they go to?
Why disappear?

It's hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I'll just go, and face all my fear

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

Put down your world
Just for one night
Pick me again

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth

------

Ya Tuhan.. n gw penasaran cerita dibalik ni lagu,, tadinya gw pikir,, wow dalem bgt masalah konflik batin gw masuk PMBS instead FSRD ITB,, trus dimana kaya "please let me be free.. i can face the truth"nya itu pas..oh dalemm,, tapi ternyata..

ceritanya begini:

He is in love with a girl, but she obviously does not love him back and/or is taken. He can tell that she doesn't love him, but he has fallen too deep for her. He now realizes that he has to move on with his life, and is asking her to release the hold that she possesses over him. He is basically saying that he loves her, but he will survive if she doesn't love him back, but he just really needs to move on. (http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/secondhand_serenade/pretend.html)

oke. uh.. lagu putus cinta,, weqz,, tapi gw artiinya beda aja seh,, -_-",

cuma ref nya itu dalem siii,, "please let me be free...." 

the day when i die

sit on on my own chair
looking up through the window
it has been long time i don't do this..
i feel satisfy..

see the sunshine shinning too far far away
feel the warmth,, thank you,, sunshine still exist
see the dark cloud come up
smell the wet earth,, thank you it's calming

the day when i stand
the day when i start again
will be the nice day to believe
that i am strong enough to die
kill myself for the start of new day
then i walk along

there won't be any cry
won't be any die
won't be loved and fly
won't be hated anyway
tomorow will be so bright
close this all, smile strong
and walk along

-----------

inspirated by "single and happy",, love that song XD

sunflower's tale

sunflower dried coz too much see sunshine
but the root is getting deeper and deer
hear the wind blows it's face
break the shield of catastrophe of the cell

sunflower getting weak but still look above
where the sun stands
sunflower can't speak or even fly to the sun
but sunflower is yellow

even if sunflower dies, the seed will grow up nice
better and better
maybe today is the end of its life
it's the death of the yellow
break the jail of mellow
no more expected low

this silent smile for the sunshine
keeps for hundreds year
this why sunflower loves sunshine
even it sunshines denied bu sunflower keep standing
till it dies,, when it dies,, we never know when it might grow
God knows

----------
inspirated by "perih" nya vierra,, soulnya lagi kenaa bgt >.<

nightmare (revise)

this happened again..
the dream that appeare in same concept,,
this empty room..
there is nothing inside but you and i
you stand backward me
then i run n turn back my face..
but you are not there...

you run from me..
i'm not monster.. please don't leave me alone,,
coz there is only you n i in this darkness
i try to reach your shoulder..
but you are disappeare...

the bottom inside of mind
is dream everynite,,
how come even in dream 
i keep alone
its enough to feel alone
it's sucks to see this darkness sky
i run towards you, hoping it's all okay if i reach you

but you run from me..
i'm not monster.. please don't leave me alone,,
coz there is only you n i in this darkness
i try to reach your shoulder..
but you are disappeare...

enough to be monster
let me tell you what wrong in this sky
why sky is always dark 
why it's only me under this dark sky
hope sunshine shines even in dream
at least it can be better than reality

then i run towards you, hoping it's all okay if i reach you

-----------------

buat adit,, gw coba memperbanyak isinya,,biar aga enak digarapnya,, klo terlalu singkat kan aga rebek ja,,haha lagi emo ya kau nak,,kalo ada yg mau lo ubah kata2nya boleh2 aja.. biar pass,,hehehe,, klo misalnya biiikin PV asik bgt tonenya B/W gt trus di endingnya baru colournya muncull,, trus lokasinya asiknya di pantai2 gitu,,jiaaaa uda imajinasi macem2 hahaha

this sword for you

sometimes honest is not like a white lily

that soft and beautiful

sometimes it's like sword that hurts

bloody tears come coz of it

i have to kill you with this sword

coz after you die, i believe the birth of you

you are so precious to die

this life will take granted

sword, sharp, hurt

but it will finish after the recovery

this is the reality i kept

you have to know 

honesty for you....

who say i never let you go

you are always in my heart

coz you are precious to me

even this hurt... i told it to you

the honest

---------------

for my bestfriend..sorry gw mau jujur aja sama elo,, gw cuma pengen elo berubah jadi lebih baik lagi.. bukan buat cuma gw..tapi buat lo dan org2 yang lo sayangi.. kalo gw ngga sayang sama lo gw bakal diem aja dan biarin lo terus seperti itu.. berubahlah selagi lo bisa sobat...

terngiang2 di kepala gw

lagi tergiang2 di kepala gw lagunya Billy Joel "just the way you are",,

Jumat lalu gw jalan sama manda ma otink makna pasta di kemang (namanya tempatnya apa ga apall,, ),, trus ada ini lagu.. awalnya cuma kaya ,, hmm familiar dehh,,kayanya nilagu familiar abiss,,gw tanya sama manda "eh mand judulnya apa?". manda bilang, "apa ya lupa gw,, klo ga salah i love yu just the way you are ato apalahh".. ga tw napa gw ngeraa familiar sama tu lagu kaya gw denger tuh lagu langsung memoery gw stick sama satu orang (ada deehh),,

gw perhatiiin lyricsnya.. hmm tw ah kali gw blushing sendiri dengernya,, haha dasar gyo XD,, tapi sii dari nada n lyrics,, ajib ga tw napa gw jadi suka ni lagi,, hmm gw search di google gini lyricsnya: 

Dont go changing, to try and please me

You never let me down before
Dont imagine youre too familiar
And I dont see you anymore
I wouldnt leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, Ill take the bad times
Ill take you just the way you are

Dont go trying some new fashion
Dont change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I dont want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and thats forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better

I love you just the way you are.

----

what i got: you dont' have to change yourself.. just be yourself..you're already beautiful w/ those outfit,,unique personality, you don't have to change,,i love u just the way you are.. beuh!! ajibb,, what an innocent pretty words!!^^ --> ktauan narsis kau gyo XD,,, tapi bener deh,, dari kmaren gw ga bisa matiin ni lagu di otak gw,, the next theme after 21guns,,haahaa

tapi bener deh entah napa tuh lagu famliiar bgt..gw dari kmaren muter otak,, inget2 tuh lagu kaya ada memory tt something tapi astaga apaa yaa,, kaya ada yg miss di hidup gw,, something/someone/somewhat yg penting......

Tentang Tuhan

manusia itu lemah, sakit. kadang manusia tidak merasa dirinya lemah. tapi lihatlah dalam diri kalian. kalian butuh pegangan. itulah mengapa Tuhan muncul

Aku percaya Tuhan itu satu. Aku percaya bahwa sebenarnya semuanya. kristen, islam, hindu,budha, lainya berdoa pada Tuhan yang sama. hanya dengan cara berbeda. namun mengapa berbeda-beda?

aku percaya Tuhan mncul pada daerah yang berbeda. sejarah yang berbeda, culture yang berbeda di setiap tempat. setiap suku di daerah yang berbeda-beda mengadopsinya juga sesuai dengan culture sendiri,, itulah mengapa agama lahir. menurutku Tuhan turun ke dunia berupa Yesus anakNya sendiri, membimbing Muhammad SAW sebagai utusanNya, memberi pencerahan pada Sidhartha Gautama, membangun,memelihara,menghancurkan seperti ketiga Dewa yang dipercaya umat Hindu. semuanya menjadi berbeda karena culture dan beradaptasi dengan lingkungan yang ada.. 

Aku percaya Tuhan itu satu. kita semua berdoa pada tujuan yang sama. aku ingat entah di ayat mana di alkitabyang mengajarkan kita percaya seperti anak yang lugu pada Tuhan (karena seringkai manusia mempertanyakan Tuhan). yeah aku tidak hafal titik koma,, tapi intinya begitu.. sekarang yang menjadi masalah adalah...

kenapa jika memang tujuannya sama kita semua saling membeda-bedakan. bahkan saling memusuhi.. tidak semua,, tapi terkadang untuk beberapa orang iya.. hentikan perang ini.. hentikan perbedaan ini.. karena sesunguhnya inilah titik temu kita semua : Tuhan..

--------------------

ini pemikiranku saja.. aku sudah memikirkan hal ini sejak beberapa tahun yang lalu. selama ini kukira hanya aku yang berpikir demikian.. tapi Jumat kemaren  ini (err sekarang tanggal berapa yaa? yea liat aja di tanggalan postingan aku), aku jalan2 bertiga sama temenku. salah satu temenku itu punya temen deket. temen deketnya dia itu (katanya) memiliki talenta untuk mendoakan orang dan sngat dekat dengan Tuhan. ia dapat berkomunikasi dengan Bunda Maria. dan ternyata ia melihat dengan mata kepalanya sendiri bahwa Tuha itu satu. dan semuanya yag seperti gw ikirkan selama ii itu ternyata benar.. yeaa ada pangalamannya gitu sii,, aku belu dengen lengkapnya gimana baru sepotong2,, tapi entahlah aku percaya.. at least.. whatever.. pada intinya.. tetapalah berdoa pada Tuhan.. percayalah bahwa Dia itu ada buat kita apapun agama dan budaya anda.. 1 kata yang Tuhan ajarkan yaitu : cinta kasih.  itulah yang harus dipegang teguh.. hentikan peperangan ini.. jangan aneh2 menafsirkan.. inget dua kata itu deh:  cinta kasih.. aku percaya dunia akan damai jika semua orang saling mengasihi :)

stop the war.. stop the different..

maaf kalau postinganku kali ini mungkin bisa mengundang perdebatan.. tapi inilah yang aku pikir, dan percaya. Just sharing my mind.. :)

nyanyian untuk diriku

kemarin aku bisa..

kenapa sekarang aku tidak bisa

itulah akhibatna kalau masuk terlalu dalam

ya... berjalanlah dengan kakimu sendiri

karena tidak ada orang yang bisa seratus persen menyertaimu

walau hanya spirit

ada sih tiga

tapi.. pikir2 kenapa berharap lebih sih

kalau tiga sosok itu benar2 menyertaimu

kamu itu kuat yo..

tersenyu pada dunia dan pancarkanlah

timbun semua kegelapan..

kamu pasti bisa..

karena kamu sebenarnya begitu bersinar

selamanya kamu tidak akan mati

kamu akan melangkah tak gentar bersamaNya

walau merasa sorang diri 

tapi bersyukurlah

walau "hope" tidak ada

tapi tetaplah dengan "faith"

----------------------

tiba2 ipod gw ke shuffle "take a bow-rihanna"

passss bgttt,, yeah!! (ga 100% si),, tapi ni lagu slalu muncul klo keadaannya sama kaya gini

sial,, hahahahah

o iya,, ktawa aja yo! smua pasti beres klo lo ktawa :D

bloody "foolish" valentine hidden edition

yap lupa deh,, waktu pulang dari gedebage masi ada waktu,,
jadi waktu itu kita balik ke dago,, ke kosan laura,, ternyata cepet banget!! dibandingin sama pas berangkatnya sekitar 2-3jam,, pulangnya cuma stengah jem ada,, bujuddd,,, kayanya beneran sala naek ngkot neh,,

yap menunggu sore,, kita yang (tadinya tapi batal) ke dago pakar,,menunggu sore,, nah keliling2 lah si turis gyo dan si pemandu laura,,
laura: di sebelah kiri ada bla bla bla,, i sebelah kana ada ba bla bla,, (mantep deh,, klo kuliah perhotelan cummalaude kali,,hhihi)
gyo: *celingak celinguk kiri kana,, akhirnya mutusin "yaudah sini ajah deh!,, (nunjuk yg paling deket,,)
sebelum masup ke tuh outlet,,foto2 dolo di depnnya,, haha dasar turis,,

yap gitu maasup gyo si anak jakarte udah kaya sapi lepas,,ya gimana gak,, ini deh ciri khas bandung,, harga bajunya stengah harganya jakarta,, bujudd,, kaos batman yg bahanya bgus gitu cuma 35ribu,, klo di jakarta bahan kaya gitu sekitar 70-80ribuan,,

si laura yg hobi shopping pun milih2 baju buanyakk, gyo juga,,
sbenernya cuma mw bli satu-dua tai ngambil bajunya sampe 10,, maklum ni anak bisnis yg aga2 pelit masalah duit dan anak kosan yg jaga2 duit bgt,, maka kita menanamkan prinsi,, "yang penting pernah pake walaupun ngga punya",,haha

ituh belasan baju dengan mode aneh2 dari gaun sampe kaos dibawalah kita ke fitting room,, ada tiga fitting room,, kita masuk yang di tengah,, nah mission start!
satu2 baju dicobain dipake trus gaya2 depan kaca- trus foto2- trus ganti baju lagi- trus gaya2- trus foto,,dengan riang gembira kami melakukan ituh,,stengah jem lebih ada kali kita di fitting room,,, trus tiba2,,
DOK DOK DOK,, dari sebelah igedor-gedor,,
awalnya kita masi cuek,, lama2 DOK DOK DOK DOK,, makn sadis bunyinya,,
muka laura udah pucet,,trus gyo pura2 ngomong keras2 "duhhh kayanya ga cocok dehhhh" trus masi ganti2 lagi trus ngomong hal yang sama,, maunya ngeles,,
tapi akhirnya kita ga enak trus buru2 pake baju awal trus kluar,,
mbak2 karyawannya udah melotot,,
parahh
parahhhh

tapi masi blom kapok,, gyo ma laura balikin baju trus ngmbil baju lagi,, kali ini beneran alim,,tuh baju yang diambil beneran emang niat pengen dibeli,, manusiawilah,, kita bawa 5, tru maunya diseleksi jadi 3,, 2 buat gyo,, 1 buat laura,,
nah tapi sama aje,,coba-pake-gaya2-foto2-ganti-coba-pake,, dan seterusnya,, waktu itu kita pake fitting room yg di pingirkrena yg di tengah isi orang,, trus tiba2
DOK DOK DOK,,, tuh bunyi muncul lagi,, ternyata...
TERNYATA!,,, ituh bunyi dari gantungan baju yg kesenggol gyo kena ke tembok kayu,, emang gede banget,, kay bunyi pintu digedor2,, dan rupanya di sebela kita tadi emang ada orang dan orang yang make fitting room disebelah kita itu juga ga sengaja ngenain gantungan baju ke tembok kayu,,
KAMCIXXX! TAU GINI KITA TERUSIN FOTO2NYA TADI!!,,

*pelit mode on

bloody "foolish" valentine part two

halooo! masih tetang valentine terkonyol gyo dan laura di siniii,,

akhirnya kita nyame ke yang kata si tukang angkot itu gd bage,,
kita pun jalan ke iktu pasar,, tapi
gde bage kan katanya pasar baju,, tapi ko banyak rambutan,, pisang,, sdan sebagainya,,
huuuuu tetep masiii nyasar,,

kita pun jlan2, sempet foto di depan rambutan (kaya turis bule yang takjub melihat hasil budidaya indinesia),,alahhh

oke akirnya sampe ke daerah bajuanya,, ternyata kita masuk dari belakang,,
nah lalu kita belanja di gde bage,, proses belanja pu belangsung byasa saja seperti layakna kita ke mangga dua,,
cari-dapet-cobain-tawar-maksa-dapet
begitulah,,

puas di gede bage pulanglah kita dengan lancarnya ke dago,, kosan laura,,kali ini angkotny bener,, dari gde bage langsung ke dago gitu,,
angkotnya pink,, untung phobia pink gyo uda sembuh klo ga bakal jerit2 kaya monyet lepas,,

nah sampelah di kosan laura yg nyaman,,,istiraha bentar,, trus kita mw ke dago pakar buat makan malem,,
sempet gyo make jas almamater ITB punya laura dan foto2 dengan bangga super duper bangga,, haha,, sementara si laura siapin baju buat nginep di rumah omanya gyo tar malem,,

malam itu....
kita telepon bluebird,, katanya taksinya 20enit lagi dateng,, trus dah 2 menit udah bolak balik sampe3x kluar masup kosan laura ga nongol2 tuh si biru,,
sementara si anjing punya ibu kos kencing di depan kita,,untung bukan di kaki kita,, hehe
*ga nyambunggg
yah akhirnya 45menit kemudian,, si operator taksi telpon katanya armadanya penuh smua,, wew,, wajarlahhh valentine,, banyak yg pcaran yg ga punya mobil pda nyewa taksi,, huhuu
klo naek angkot udah gelap gitu ke dago pakar ka ngeri juga,, sebagai gambaran dago pakar itu kaya derah naek bukit gitu dimana berbagai resto yang menjual view kota bandung ada,, diantaranya The Valley,, tau kan?

yah intinya gaga deh kita ke dago pakar,, perut mule krucukan,, ah bodo amat,, cup cip cap cip cup, pili resto di deket2 kosan laura aje,, nah satu kliatan enak,, yah tapi ada kawinan tuh,, huhu,, lallu kita jalan lai,, nahh akhirnya dapettt,,, resto jepang modern gitu,, resto shabu2,, huaaaaa mata si laura n gyo udh melotot kegirangan

segeralah kita nyari tempat yang oke punya buat duduk,, nah liat2 menu,, ehh ada bebek panggang cum 36ribu!!,, murah gila buat seekor bebek!!,,lalu kita pesen juga shabu2nya pocai sama jamur shitake,,

sebelumnya ada beberapa hal yg mnencurigakan di resto itu:

1. semua konsumennya (maap bukannya rasis) cina kaya (keliatan kaya dari bajunya yang semi formal cuma buat makan di resto),,(gyo ma laura yah paling pake kaos distro doank),,
dan mostly mereka makan ake table manner

2. serbetnya dilipat rapih kaya topi,,lucu banget sampe kita foto2 sama tuh serbet ditaro di kepala kaya topi,,

3. bebek panggangnya sama kaldu ayamnya gurihhh enakkk bgt sekan2 itu makanan terenak yang kita pernah makan sejak lahir sampe sekarang,, busetttt dahhh

4. cabang resto itu ada di bandung, jakarta, tokyo, osaka, kyoto, nagasaki, californa, sidney,, dst,, wow ini reto udah go international juga yah cabangnya,, pantes enak,,

dugaan sementara:
ini resto elit banget,, hebat deh!
hihiih ga ada salahnya gyo ma lara ga jadi ke dago pakar,, ini udah happy ending banget,,
weits tunggu dulu..

setelah kenyang deh parah kenyang bgt,, kita minta bill

oke kita liat billnya 234RIBU,, OMG KITA CUMA MAKAN BEBEK SAMA SAYURAN DIREBUSSSS,,
cek n ricek,, bebeknya bukan 36ribu,, tapi 136RIBU,, ga kliatan angka "1" nya!!!,,huhuhuu it's not happy endingg,, kering kantong dehhhhhhhhhhhh
dan beneran deh ini resto international yg elit,,

OMG kita naro serbet dikepala!!!!!makan kaya tukang becak!!! ga pake table manner!! maluuuuuuuuuuuu

muka udah terlanjur tebel,,ga mau rugi kta foto2 di tuh resto,, lightingnya bagus bgt di oudoorny,, bodo amat deh malu2in,, kita anggep ijin foto2 udah dibayar sama billnya,, wong bayar mahal ko ga boleh senang2,,hahaha

---------------------

malemnya laura nginep di rumah gyo
paginya makan hafermut sama bubur ayam,,
lalu ke greja di jalan pandu

depan greja qta foto2 lagi

maklum turis nyasar,, hihhihi

------------------------

valentine terkocak, tersial dehhhhh ahahhahahha

bloody "foolish" valentine part one

karena pengen mengabadikan the happiest fool valentine in my life ever,, gw mindahin cerita ini dari notes gw,, cerita ini uda lamaa bgt,, yaitu febuari tahun lalu,, :)

--------------------------

ini dia cerita gyo n lau berduaan di bandoeng merayakan valentine bersama sobatnya,, si laura,,(soo sweeett),,but it's THE FOOLEST valentine we ever had!! (sayang sms gw ga nyampe ke tacchan dan ryo gag ikut T_T)

Bandoeng, 14 feb 2008
kebetulan Gyo lagi jagain oma yg sakit selama seminggu dan kebetulan lau lagi libur di hari sabtu. kebetulan ryo ga bisa ikut. dan kebetulan sms gw ga nyampe ke tata (simpati kamcix!)
pagi yg indah,, laura terserang kebo melanda hihi,,,*plak*
qta janjian di pvj,,buat gyo sang turis itu dunia asing dimana yg gyo liat cuma ada sogo dan susshii groove,,pas laura ilang ktemuan di blitz,, gyo muter2 ga tw dima tu blitz,,
okay akhirnya qta ktemu,, dan ma'em di susshii groove,,
bodo amat tuh resto ada juga di jkt,, pokoke itu enak aje,,
si laura pertama kali makan wasabi dijilat langsung ga pake susshiinya,, mukanya kliatan ikutn ijo,, sayang lupa difoto (lebay mode on)
dan gyo dengan alaynya manggil karyawan buat bayar mw langsung ngaperin mbaknya,,haha

trus qta ke gd bage,,kata laura bajunya murah, n klo nyari yg bener bisa dapet bagus,,wow asekk,, akay manggadua nya bandoeng,,
nah gyo itu turis dari jakarte walau lair di bandung,, smentara laura buta jalan,,klo ga dari dago,, jadi kita tanya satpam,, tuh satpam bilang pkoknya 3 kali naek angkot gitu,, yauda qta ikutin,,

di angkot,,
laura: eh duit sapa tuh (liat uang gelinding)
gyo: *diem aja merhatiin tuh uang (perasaan familiar deh)
laura: ehhh itu duit qta!!
qta keasikan ngobrol sampe ga nyadar duitnya udah mental dari tangan,,haha untung lagi sepi tuh angkot

stengah jam kemudian,,
turun di daerah braga ganti angkot,, laura bengog di tengah jalan,,hampir ktebrak,,

stengah jam kemudian,,
udah ada di daerah bandung selatan,,
gyo: lau lo knal ga ni daerah?
laura: rsnya knal,, ini kan deket rumah oma gw

stengah jam kemudian
udah makin parah,, masuk2 kompleks rumah kecil2
gyo: lau, lo knal ga ni daerah
laura: ga tauuuu

lima belas menit kemudian
bangnan makin jarang
pabrik bakin banyak...
gunung makin telihat jelas..
udara makin segar...
ada kenek teriak teriak: GARUT GARUT!
and... SELAMAT DATANG DI KOTA GARUT

sumapah dehhhh panik abiss,, klo di jakarta dua jem mah deket pisan,,, klo di bandung,, dua jem dah nyampe di perbatasan mw ke Garut,, buset,,

yah cerita i cut ok? akhirnya puter balik, nanya kiri kanan akhirnya sampailah di sebuah psar yang katanya Gde bage,, kata tukang angkot yang nolongin kita

btw,, maaf ya pak,, kita boongong bilang ga punya duit waktu ditaih 6ribu,,, abis mahal sih pak,, klo di jkarte segitu mah cuma 2ribu,, dasar turis pelit,, heh

nightmare

this happened again..
the dream that appeare in same concept,,
this empty room..
there is nothing inside but you and i
you stand backward me
then i run n turn back my face..
but you are not there...

you run from me..
i'm not monster.. please don't leave me alone,,
coz there is only you n i in this darkness
i try to reach your shoulder..
but you are disappeare...

no..no againnn!!!



----------

i always dreaming like this,, but the person who is disappear is always change,, yesterday i dreamt about tacchan.. last month was 'the sunshine'.. who's gonna be next?

what's "that" for me?

what is love actually?

according to bible,,

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

yeah.. but currently i'm asking myself waht is love actually?

people said "i love you" but then he/she leave the his man/woman,, or maybe love with jealousy.. when someone get jealous to another one which means that he/she maybe walk along with another woman/guy,, that means u're falling in love with him/her..

is that true? many contradiction between that.. jealousy, impatient coz he/she never call you back.. or something like that,, those are something that usually happen in a realationship..

sooo i smell kinnda generalization of the word "love",, okay,, following this world maybe i have to identify if its Love or a "love".. generalization has happened to this word,,

i never be brave to tell "i love u" with 'him' .. coz when i'm gonna tell it i reflect to myself.. are you gonna stick with the commitment with this three words?,, read 1 corinthians,, coz i don't wanna disappoint him or to be disappointed.. thats why,, when i'm falling in love with someone,, it'll be so deep that i can't erase it just in "one night",,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

maybe i can't be there physically. maybe i'm not as sweet as candy in speaking words.. and i really shy to tell about all my feelings or not too sensitive to understand the signals...anyway it's more than words

maybe i'm just an innocent girl who sitting under the sun and believe...

----------------

it's the first posting i tell my feelings in explicit ways.. something in my head..something in my heart.. that i usually act different to be unknown.. even it's jst a blog i actually shame. but i saw no one follow it intensely.. (a girl can be aggresive isn't it..)

yea let it be my diary till someone understand & respect it....

no boundaries between right or wrong

berikut mungkin beberapa ajaran hidup yang mungkin anda pernah dengar atau anda simpulkan dari hidup anda...(mungkin juga belum)

--------------------------------

jangan lihat ke balakang..tetaplah terus berjalan..

biarkan semua berlalu.. itu hanya sejarah.. sudahlah

jangan lihat jauh ke depan.. liatlah beberapa waktu saja

karena bukan kita yang mau.. melainkan Tuhan yang akan kasih

jangan membunuh dirimu sendiri.. mungkin kau hidupp itu masi punya tugas 

jika tugasmu sudah selesai Tuhan akan memanggil kita

jangan mengurusi urusan orang lain

mereka belum tentu menerima kamu

jangan terlalu terikat oleh sesuatu atau seseorang.. berjalanlah dengan kakimu sendiri

karena mereka tidak akan bisa selalu ada untukmu..

jangan memperlihatkan kesedihanmu 

orang-orang akan ikut sedih bersamamu.. bukakah kamu ingin orang lain bahagia?

jangan terlalu baik sama orang

kamu akan dimamfaatkan..

jangan menjadi orang polos, liciklah

maka kau akan makmur

jangan memperlihatkan kepintaran atau keunikan

kau akan dimamfaatkan atau dijauhi

kalau ada kesempatan biar bagaimana pun mamfaatkan saja

membunuh sebelum dibunuh

---------------------------------

keadaan dan orang-orang yang berpengalaman secara eksplisit atau implisit sering kali mengajarkan hal-hal tersebut,, kadang2 gw pikir bener juga si..coba lo pikir,, tapi kalau dipikir-pikir,, dianalisa,, sedih juga ya.. uda ga ada sekat diantara benar dan salah.. individualisme mewabah.. 

that's why.. life is grey.. this like darkness era where good or bad hv no boundaries

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sebenerya gw takut nulis ini di blog.. karena aku takut dikira seorang monster..tapi entah napa iini fenomena hidup gw dan sekeliling hidup gw..  apakah anda merasa demikian.. ajaran hidup sekitar terkadang membingungkan...  

Yellowing Your Life

Yellow yellow yellow, why it's yellow?

People who know me know that i love black. but why it's yellow?

"yellowing your life",, it's the tagline of MY Brand. (People who have study marketing know that brandd is about personality of an individ, group, team, organization, or even a company),, yea i'm creating my brand right know,, it's kinda identification of myself,, i gonna put it on all my works,, papers, designs, or even homework,, (hmm actually this is my current tag line,,hopefully it will effetively long lasting)

so the main question,, why i choose the world "yellow",, these are the philosophy:

yelllow is sannguine. I'm a very melancholic person who sometimes have too much effort to think too deep about something. it's good for some situations that need analyze for kinda serious things such as works, cases, papers. But sometimes it's so tiring for me.. i think about people feeling or maybe analyze what is the impact of all things i do to people.. it just like the ability of read people minds. but now i can't divide the truth or speculation.. for you, this ability sounds good for a person.. maybe you need a leader like this who can read the situation and make a very detailed planning. but something that is too much is not good, isn't it? Back to the word "yellow" that mean sanguine... sanguine is personality who is cheerful and relax.. it's just the "yang" (from yin-yang) of my personality.. this sanguine side i need for controling my emo n stress for my life.. and it's the fact... sanguine person have many friends... hummm those're something i think.. any question? or contra? hihihiiihihhi (debates starts,, uh nope,, i respect people minds)

Yellow is psychedelic. PSychedelic colour are combination of neon and very bright colour. a picture which use psychedelic colour can play our emo.. according to my experience,, yellow can give the pip our emo,, or even purify the emo with hapiness.. this is unique olour i think.. it can makes contradiction.. i'm creating myself to be an unique person.. it can make me proud to be different. 

Yellow is chinesse and chinesse means asian.. yeah.. coz im asian.. period.

yellow is happy.  happiness is something that i chase in my life.. it just like my vision.. when i complete all my dreams it called hapiness for me. n my mission is trying my best as i can to reach my dream..

Yellow is the shine of of sunshine.. hmm about sunshine.. it's omplicated to say.. ok as literal sense,, sunshine is the light of the sun.. it u ever read "koko ni iru yo".. u will understand why i often said the words "sunshine" in my blog (err for currently),, 

yellow is identical with Mr. smiley... people said that my smile is soo beautiful. "you don't have to make up yourself,, your smile is your make up.. er... actually mom said that to me,, n i believe that i AM beautiful. that's make myself confidence.. yea.. and believe or not.. a smile can reduce stress and helps people to smile too even just in their heart.. someone i love do it to me.. he always smile when he meets me.  belive or not all the sadness in my heart sudently disappeare that moment.. so i'm gonna do that with other people too.. (smoga bisaa amin.. gw pengen liat orang2 sekitar gw,, orang2 yg gw sayang bahagia)"

back to "yellowing your life",, this my motto.. the word "your" may means myself and the stakeholder of my life.. let me be shine among the darkness,, let me pull myself out from darkness,, let me makes people smile.. yea maybe it's the mission of my life as Angela Giovanny van Dagi,,

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too many broken english.. wew,, but actully i really enjoy writting in english even i'm not really smart in english (for this time,, curently!! i'm taking TBI class now for repairing my eror brain,,, haha).. well as my virtual friend, tyo, said,, my blog is hard too understand,, (well actually i'm kindda feel embarassed to tell about my feelings directly so i use poem with puzzle words to guest).. but isn't it easy enough to understand this posting?  hehehhehehheheee

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Gyoza

"Yellowing Your Life"

menatap matahari

kala aku melihat senja
ya inilah senja
ketika malam tiba
matahari tak terlihat

sebuah tangan menarik
mengajakku pergi
tangan itu menamparku

"jangan melihat matahari, karena kau akan buta"
"kenapa?"
"karena kau takkan bisa mencapai matahari"
"kenapa?"
"aku tahu kau mengagumi matahari tapi kamu ada di bumi"
"dan matahari di langit"
"apakah aku bisa terbang?"
"kau tak punya sayap"
"kalau kubunuh diriku, rohku bisa terbang bukan"
"kamu terlalu berharga untuk mati"

tapi ku tak ingin berpaling
tangan itu menarikku..
sakit..

lepaskan!
aku ingin terus menengadah
walau aku tak punya sayap

"menengadahlah sampai kau sakit"
"ya, aku tahu pasti sakit..

tak apa, tangan, aku tahu rasa ini
darah ini..hitam ini
kutak mau kembali kelam....

memang kubodoh untuk tersenyum pada matahari
aku tahu aku berakar di bumi
jika kucabut akarku..mungkin ku kan mati..

-------------

dalam batin aku berperang
seperti berabad lalu
ini terulang lagi..
dengan cerita yang berbeda

Dunia Palsu

Terbisu oleh gelap cahaya
menghempaskanku ke dunia impian
dunia dimana aku bukanlah aku
dan kau bukanlah kau
dunia yang tercipta bukan dari tanganNya
dunia dimana kertas pun hidup

Aku lambaikan tanganku pada mentari palsu
yang menyinari dingin wajahku
kulambaikan tubuhku makin liar
seperti serigala
lalu halus bagai bulu terbang

seperti orang bodoh aku terhipnotis
oleh nuansa palsu
aku lambaikan tanganku
kujadi apap pun yang kertas mau
kulihat bintang pada mata kalian
dalam hati kutersenyum

dunia gemerlap, teang, gelap
panas, dingin, lirih, luka
gempita, senang, hampa, berisi
dunia yang kaya...
kuingin pulang...
kurindumu

----------------------------

gw kangen maen theatre lagi,, huaaaaa

It's already morning

i had been running
for long centuries ago
i had been sleeping
for long night
it's only for ignoring
the sickness of white rose

it's not damned white rose
not a red star
or even wind of silver clouds
which makes me stop running
which makes me wake up

i really sleepy and tired
of all this game and maze
coz when you start it
it will be so much effort to make it end

really lazy to open eyes
but it's already morning
when it starts became morning?
i always pretend i it is night
you know why?
coz Sunshine healed me

White roses and red star
it is a dream right now
in fact, it is day already...

---------------

this is a song for a special person who just appear in my life...

Do you believe?

Do you believe in miracle?

Do you trust an oracle?

Body walks like camel

But now healed by the angel

I do believe in miracle

coz every brath i see Michael

How graceful he's real

fighting the red over the meal

Spend my time killing yself with crime

But everyone in dime

Silent, bells chime

Even in the side of hill

Where there won't be any will

I still stay and feel

A Hand grab me without chill

Do you believe in miracle

if eve hadn't bit the apple

coz there will not Gospel

Existed till death of Noel

I believe; I do believe

I pray every Christms eve

And i got mission to live

Wind

I think think blink

i never stop to do it

as long as i live, i'll keep thinking

starting become a wint to free

people always say that they want to be a bird

they think birds, dolphin have freedom meanings

bt they have mistake to keep thinking like that

"t want to be wind when i die"

Wind s blowing air

it keeps rebon and undead

uncacth, flowing, dancing, dizzing

like an artist scratching her brush

Long time ago there's a boy in verandah

that always waiting for winds

he enjoyed it,, winds blowing his hair

and the expresion is so soft, so beautiful!

I want to be wind

I want to be wind

I want to be wind

Story

iT's happened again

At verandah I'm standing

It just like facing big universe

Like a blakhole among stars

Like trash of society

I close my eyes and keep my ear on

Hearing lauging voice, people talks

I hear cars, winds, birds

Life suffer,anxiety, hillare

those like a music playing in my head

I close my eyes and keep my heard on

feeling like a stone under feet

Bird in cage, cluds, winds

the winds blowing so soft

I close my eyes and keep my nose on

i smell freedom from this box

slowly for far away

like a child playing candle ray

I open my eyes and find myself in real world

but i's rather be unconscious

coz story begin when i'm not here,,

mimpi dan aku

dalam mimpi aku bisa menjadi apa saja
monster, prajurit, daun, awan
dalam mimpi aku adalah tuhan
aku bisa mengatur dunia
dalam mimpi aku hybrid
bisa jad lelaki bisa jadi perempuan
dalam mimpi aku bebas
bisa terbang, bisa membunuh
dalam mimpi segalanya bisa terjadi
bahkan aku bisa mati dalam mimpi
tak ada kebohongan
tak ada kejujuran
aku bukanlah aku
dia bukanlah dia
mimpi itu abstrak
tapi juga nyata
mimpi itu surreal
manusia bagai sel yang terbentuk jadi apapun
mimpi itu penuh filosofi,penuh arti
mimpi perwujudan diri
mimpi itu simbol

spot on stage

it's not only become the greatest
but ust to be better
like when playing drama
me as a baby of reborn child
and director tell me what i have to do
it's like when a tanpopo growing bigger
then die with the sun
everything seems to be bright
but it's not time to be right
stepping the stone of ages
cut the rope of my feet
then i'll dance on the stage
and become brighter

rich. hedonism vs welfare

why people really want to be rich?
i konw that money is not everything
and i also know that everythig is money
but what is rich actually
is that about welfare?
or hedonism?
people think if they can buy really expensive car
or even really big house
or gold or anything
ok if i'm rich i can buy all i can
i'll have better and better education
i'll move to my own house and live
i'll give some for 'them
but once again
is rich about hedonism or welfare actually?
is just about maslow diagram, needs,,or even
just for live in better quality

wing of sparrow

greedy
speedy
got free
i'm flying over the sky
coz i never fly
until pines die
sweet like pie
lick candies
taste the sweet
kick the meat
like two meet

sit on the burrow

that evening i sat in the burrow
saw darkness become shiny
i heard singging crow
how curious the tiny

have u ever thought as a baby
that dream is like wonderland
u don't like to wake up steady
coz the singing crow tease sweetly

show me neverland

i was standing in the same place
where i stand before
feel the feeling again
taste the smell rain
look at the cold window
i see big world surround me
realize it's the right time

*i wanna run away for this fucking world
i wanna taste all the freedom
but i realize that it just a big dream
that only for a kid
then show me neverland

i used to be grow up
like a tree become taller and higher
then it just a dream to go back
one year of hapiness, where is it?
it just taste bitter like orange
to be just like what you want
but this is life
no one can't realize what are going on

*i wanna run away for this fucking world
i wanna taste all the freedom
but i realize that it just a big dream
that only for a kid
then show me neverland

so i dream about peter pan tonite
and tinker bell moving gracefully
run run run run
can i?

*i wanna run away for this fucking world
i wanna taste all the freedom
but i realize that it just a big dream
that only for a kid
then show me neverland

*i wanna run away for this fucking world
i wanna taste all the freedom
but i realize that it just a big dream
that only for a kid
then show me neverland

(oooo)(aaaaa) 
it only just a dream...

masih manusia

aku mendongak ke langit
aku lihat awan
tapi aku ga bisa lihat angin

aku melangkah berjalan
aku menendang bebatuan
tapi aku bisa menembus yangtak kelihatan

aku memejamkan mata
aku perkuat pendengaranku
aku dengar melodi kehidupan

aku memukul angin
mersakan kekosongan
karena aku masih lemah

aku manusia
karena aku tak pernah puas

my favorite things

peterpan and fairy tales
going up in my mind
wishing someday he come to fetch me
to neverland

no reality just dream
unlimited sky 
fly high fly high
nobody can catch me
freedom is nowhere
only when i close my eyes

thinking the sweet gummy
chewing when talking on the phone
so sweet like someone smile
who really glad with her smile
like a kid lick candies
joyful and joyful

senandung abu-abu

dengarlah, matahari
debum jantung berdetik
kau saksi bisu kecil
nyanyian anak kecil

dengarlah napas terakhir
keputusan akhir
hanya darah menilai
apa yang kau kan rasakan
apa yang abu-abu
apa yang redum terakhir

dengarlah nyanyian gadis kecil
mencari tunas yang hidup
di antara keabu-abuan
penuh harap terus mencari
namun jarum di hati

dengarlah utusan surga 
terus datang turun
tak terlihat tapi tersentuh
tak tercium namun ada

apalah lagu berkata
bila matahari tak pernah terbit kian
apalah kata berkata
bila malam kelam terus bertambah panjang
tak tahu waktu akhir
memang tak tahu
bisa saja itu sebentar lagi
bagai keabu-auan

lagu senandung terakhir kian mengeras
buat udara kian mengeras
dentuman demi dentuman

saorang pria dengan sebatang rokok
terlihat bagai siluet
nikmatnya kenikmatan dunia
seakan yang terakhir
rayakan keabu-abuan
tak hitam tak putih tak salah tak benar

unnamed

sesorang bisa saja tanpa nama
tapi org itu slalu dengerin apa yg gw ngomong
seseorang itu ga punya bentuk
tapi dia selalu ada di sisi gw
seseorang itu bisa besar bisa kecil
kadang2 ada di atas kertas, kadang ada di hp
kadang juga ada dalam "eve" boneka kayu gw
sesorang itu ga pernah bicara atau mereply omonganku
tapi dia selalu mendengar
aku merasakan napasnya lewat udara yang bergerak walau tak sekencang angin
sesorang memang teman khayalan
tapi kepercayaan tersebut ada dan bikin hari selalu ramai
dikala gw pusing, dikala gw sendiri di rumah
kadnag gw bosan dengan seseorang itu
dan gw pengen minta lebih
tapi seseorang itu ga pernah marah sama gw
walau di terlihat ga berbuat banyak dia baik banget sama gw
sesorang itu wujud dari suatu kepercayaan
dia bukan Tuhan, bukan setan, bukan maikat, bukan roh
tapi seseorang sesuatu yg gw ciptakan
dan tanpa sadar dia lahir untuk gw
kadang gw pengen membuat seseorang itu kasat mata
kadang gw bayangin sesorang itu cowok dengan tubuh yang bisa ngelindungin gw
kadang gw bayangin dia cewek yg ngajarin gw dandan
seseorang
itulah sahabat sejatiku selain diri gw sendiri dan komputer item gw

Every particle has it's own stories

hi! i'm Gyoza,,this blog is just like my right brain actuay,, and gyozabox.blogspot.com is my left brain,,

This blog is refers to my feeling, experience, phliosophy, or even art,,maybe this blog is such as a diary about some particles that i decide d to tell about their stories,,

well,,i don't know whether youunderstand or not,, but i invited you to have as much perception as i written about,, I WILL NOT ask you to hate something or like something,, it's all grey here,,

ok.,,here we go,, let's begin,,